Creative in Writing

Compare the following two class journals:


Entry 1

It was a sunny day yesterday.  I woke up, brushed my teeth, and washed my face.  Then I got changed and had my breakfast.  Then I walked to school and started my classes.  I finished my school at 3 pm, then I went to my friend’s house and played computer games with my friend.  I also watched TV with my friend.  Then I went home and had dinner with my mom and dad.  Then I had a shower and went to bed.

*The above journal entry is from a grade five level student.  Notice the repetitions.   Also, there are very few descriptive words.  The sentence structure is very repetitive, but is a typical entry at this level.  The whole passage is rather boring to read.


Entry 2

Yesterday was a sunny day.  As usual, I woke up bright and early, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and brushed my hair.  With a cheerful smile, I eagerly donned my favourite black hoody and patch-work jeans.  Looking forward to my gym and science classes, I skipped off to school full of excitement and anticipation.  As soon as school had concluded, I hustled over to my friend’s place to dive into our preferred computer game and watch a little TV.   Following this, I jogged home for a delightful, hot chicken-curry dinner.  After I had wolfed down this tasty repast, I collapsed, exhausted on my bunkbed.  What an exhilarating day!

*After a few revisions, the student altered the style and structure of the same paragraph.  She used a diversification of the sentence openers with descriptive verbs, nouns, adverbs, and adjectives.  An essential part of the revision is the topic/clincher relationship.  By the end of the second revision, the paragraph is vibrant and more interesting to read than the former!

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